Why I Stopped Complaining

Oh My! Sandra you smile a lot, she exclaimed.
The "she" was actually one of my biology professors.  I turned around to face and understand if she really meant my Sandra or that of someone else. I gazed steadily into the thin space wondering if only she knew that I never believed someone was going to recognize me again as someone who smiles, talk more of saying I do it a lot. I had my memories flash back before me. I saw that little girl who was always living in fear of other people, that little girl who taught her life was very meaningless, that little girl who taught that life was just so cruel had grown a little bit. Has she become so much stronger than she used to be? She no longer lives in fear of people. Where did she get the strength to be so brave again to smile. Just then I saw another picture flash before me and  I heard her voice now saying to me, "You have to be strong and smile no matter what. You have to be an example for people, your life will inspire people. Do not let little things bother you" she ended. She was my mum, she had seen how weak her little girl was and decided to motivate her. As I taught I was becoming stronger, I broke down again. The smiles were all gone again. I wondered how it happened. I complained about everything, I cursed everything that happened. I wished that life itself will cease and the world will come to an end. I was scared of every single thing. I was scared of losing myself again, my mind. I was scared of being accused numerously, scared of being cursed at for nothing, scared for being cursed at for being me. I was scared of being threatened.
(Sighs, as tears cloud my eyes)
I was scared of having no one to trust and talk to, no one to hear me out. I was scared of being reminded how worthless my life was constantly. I  was always sacred of the next morning. I dreaded tomorrow like it was going to devour me. I was scared of waking up with new things to complain about. Yes! I was tired of complaining because no one listens and again I heard that voice again asking me who said that no one is here to listen? You just taught so. She said talk to me and I will never judge like the others. She gave me hope but I was scared of receiving the hope because I was scared of crashing it like I did earlier. She never gave up on me, she kept telling me the same thing; " You cannot give up on yourself and on life. You cannot give up and you don't have the right to do such too". I curiously asked why, "So I now don't even have the right to give up on myself again". She answered "Because I didn't give up so you should not. I held on and held tight so you should do the same. One day when you look back you will tell people story with it".

You know after a short while I came across this man and his videos and I asked myself why are you complaining Sandra?

https://butterflyinthespring.com/2014/10/29/you-can-be-victorious-while-your-circumstances-havent-changed/

He was born without arms and legs but you know he has a happy life. He smiles more than people who are a lot more privilege in life. That was when I decided that there was more to life than people who you were just fated to meet in order to have a story to tell. People that are just fulfilling their purposes in your life. There was more to life than allowing them get on your nerves and decide how your day was going to be.

It was then I turned to my professor who taught I was thinking that she thinks it's bad to smile because of how I was looking at her. She replied by saying, No I am not saying it is bad, it is really a good thing to smile all the time. I really admire that like I wish I can just like you.
I smiled again, nodded and replied Thank you.
  After that, some few days ago, a friend of mine sent me the video of this man again on my whats app. I remembered him as the man who made me take the hope given to me by my first love(my mum). He made me see reasons with her why I shouldn't give up. One of my last post "you are not alone" got me thinking again. YES of course you are not alone, there are people who are in worse situation than you are in and what you don't know is that they are filled with hope and they are still all smiling. Why are you still complaining and trying to kill yourself? Why are you so scared of moving on? Why do you let little things bother you? Stop complaining and smile, don't give up and believe someone out there cares for you and love you just the way you are.



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