My Worst Nightmare
As a little child growing up,I have always noticed that people tend to be so scared of death more than anything else. I was curious and baffled why they cherished life so much when they do not even know how long it is going to last. I was amazed how far they can go just to preserve life. To me we are all going to die, so it just does not matter. I didn't understand the damages death could do; I was so ignorant of the powers death wielded. I can remember hearing the death of one of my aunt's and just ignoring it like I just heard nothing while my whole family were very sad at that moment. For a while I taught they were over-reacting. I can remember saying: "She's not going to wake up though even if we cried day after day" and the reaction that I got after that statement.
Years later, I asked about my aunt, it's been a while I saw her last I said. The reply I got was, the one that passed away years ago you mean? It dawned on me that I would never see her again, she was gone. I do not know where she went to but I have not seen nor heard her voice ever since then. The meaning of death was beginning to dawn on me. It became a nightmare for me. I started understanding that the demise of a loved one was a permanent scar physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Again there seems to be no cure for a dead one yet and there is no solution to avoid death. So till day we are still at risk of losing our loved ones and losing ourselves to death too. Sometimes I want to embrace the truth that our loved ones won't be there always with us; I want to prepare myself mentally for that challenge. But I break down at the thought of it. I want to distract myself with the thought that we all will die someday, but I get so anxious. I wonder why we even have to die, why people can't live till they are very old. Some do but recently even young folks die more than the old people.
Sometimes I wish to wake up to a world where one does not have to suffer from the demise of loved ones, that all I had known about losing people to death were nothing but a nightmare. I wish there was nothing like death. I wish that people live however long they want to live their lives. Then if wishes were horses, there will be no beggars. At this rate, I am convinced that I am not the only one who feels like this. This is one of the reasons people struggle to live. They are ready to give and do anything just to live. Everything that I observed since I was little began making sense to me now. The heartbreak from losing ones loved ones was just too much to bear.
Now I still wonder why we can't avoid death. It's either it is by a road accident, or mild sickness, or a major sickness like Ebola, cancer or heart diseases, or all the burgers we munch daily. It's inevitable which makes it more scary. I laugh at my poor scared self whenever I think about scientists bringing out the cure or solution to death. I am not even scared of my own death but I am scared of how my loved ones will feel. I am not scared of death but I am scared of losing my loved ones and those I have lived my life with seems like my worst nightmare. All I have is to hope and believe that they will be there with me and grow old with me.
RIP Aunty Ozioma
RIP uncle Kezie
RIP Madam Uzoamaka