Lost in the middle of Nowhere

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Sometimes, there are things and situations that we find ourselves in that we wish are not real. We tend to live in denial of it because that's the only way we believe to escape those situations. There are situations like that, situations like depression and anxiety. We just don't want to live with it because of the category it falls into. It is categorized as a mental illness. So no one wants to be identified with that, maybe because of the discrimination and stigma that are attached with it. We chose to act like it doesn't exist. We act like there is no such thing in the world especially in the black community. I have heard people saying, it's a white people's disease, or it is a rich people's disease when they feel like taking a break. No, it's not, it is not white people's diseases nor is it rich people's disease. It is not really a disease like chicken pox, HIV/AIDS, Celiac disease and so on. It is different, has to do with emotions and one's mind. It can happen to anyone regardless of gender or race. It can happen to black people, Asians and even white and not just white. Depression and anxiety disorder is real!!! 

You know it's real when you see everything you have cherished fall apart in your mind. Your mind becomes your own enemy. Your imaginations becomes your worst nightmares. You get so scared of the demons growing in your mind. Your favorite T.V shows looks like you are watching a live genocide taking place. You feel scared for yourself because it seems those monsters are going to outgrow you soon. It seems like they are going to burst open and people are going to see the kind of monsters and demons that are growing inside of you. You feel gullible at any slightest time and now all you have left of you is just self-pity. You stare at the mirror and you want to tell yourself how amazing the person standing in front of the mirror is, but all that comes out happens to be; “you suck, I am tired of you”. Those demons in your head won’t allow you to show yourself some love. They have sworn to make your life miserable and a pitiable one.

You want to fight and you have to, people tell you but do not tell you how. They make mockery of you in your mind for thinking about how to destroy them. Now, they won’t even let you sleep, they have taken over your night time too. You need help but can’t say because people are going to tell you, it is not real. They are going to classify you as mentally ill. You are breaking down and everyday all you wish deep down in your heart for is a savior. You begin to wonder if people can see the madness going on in your mind, the war between you and your mind. Your life begins to look like shambles. All you begin to think about now is how better you will be if you stop existing. How happy people around you will be if you cease that life. You begin to think, life isn’t worth all these sufferings. You start passing around those ibuprofen pills and Tylenol pills daily. You move up to checking how many pills are in each container. You now start inspiring yourself that you can do it. It is just to swallow some pills. You start passing those bridges slowly and checking if it is well hidden. You do not need savior anymore; you have found the solution to it. It is to end your life and that of those monsters. Now, if caught in the action, people begin to judge you again. But you cried for help but they told you to overcome it without telling you how.  You feel guilty for being caught, but not sure if that is the solution to the war going on in your mind.
 I don’t want to go into what happens when they are not caught in the act of taking their own lives.

Again, depression and anxiety are real. Rather than living in denial of its existence and waiting till something drastic happens, people should learn to accept the reality of depression and anxiety. They should not forget to offer help to people when they ask for help. Please do not just tell them to help themselves without offering them ways of how to do it. They have obviously tried it their own ways but it didn’t help. Victims should learn to ask for help, and also do not forget that it's never your fault.  You are not in any way weak. You are strong as you have ever been. Please do not give up on fighting those demons. Keep fighting them believing victory is yours. Suicide means those monsters and demons won over you. It is not easy but please do not stop trying. Hang in there because help is coming sooner than you expected.  Depression is never one’s fault, so never blame them for it. Please show love to everyone you see because you never know who needs it more or who is about to give up on life.


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