They don't define you

Last week was the women’s week if you ask me. This was because Thursday being the 8th of March was women’s international day while Sunday, the 11th of March was mother’s day in some part of the world like Nigeria and England. It was so sweet seeing and reading heart touching, warm and nice messages from women and men too to women. It was good and so nice for women to be reminded of how strong they were because that was the main theme in everyone’s message, and of course including me. Yes, even some friends teased about it, “like if you don’t post about women, who will?’ “Oh, it’s an official day for you to be a feminist.” Statements like these don’t get me annoyed anymore, actually it amuses me lately. I mean I could use a little laugh here and there.

So, I won’t be talking about women’s day today, or about being strong or rather knowing that you are a strong being who can break down too like every creature. I won’t be telling you today that you are not an angel and don’t need to be morally uptight and perfect. I am guessing that you should know that now already. Being a woman doesn’t mean you are a saint or not. It means you are human with flaws here and there, there’s no need for perfection because no one is. Again, I have the habit of thinking that what I know already, people should already know because it should be obvious. But, again I am wrong sometimes. So if you didn’t know all these, you should know them.

I just want talk about what I learnt last week. I took a screenshot of what a lady wrote online which happens to be a black lady whom was just like others stating her opinions. So, I am trying to prove her point with a group of friends and yikes I didn’t lose but it was more number of people against me. But, that’s by the way. My attention was caught when someone (a guy) said, (not in quote) she sounded angry and whomever read this will see nothing but an angry black woman, I am not saying she is but that what it looks like. I was shocked, and I didn’t say anything anymore. Yes, they took me by surprise (smirks). You win, I lose. Two days after that, I am in a conversation again with a group of people. I don’t usually talk in such occasions, I do the listening and learn whatever I have to learn. One of the ladies was talking about how angry she was at someone for doing something they  were not supposed to do and which she asked specifically not to do. They did it and yet didn’t have any remorse, but she couldn’t even do anything. Some people in the group were like, “oh wow really?” “No, that’s bad”. Her reply caught my attention now, she replied I didn’t because I was going be seen as ‘An Angry Black Woman” if I did. I was curious about who an angry black woman was. Was it just a woman who happens to have a chocolate skin color and expresses herself just like everyone does? Or is just a myth/stereotype that is being perpetuated generation to generation?

Yes, of course I couldn’t stop wondering how insane our world is, how biased and clouded our judgement are. First, we try to take the basis of living from women. We lay down rules of what to do and what not to do. The men are good, y’all are cool. I mean men will always be men right? Women will always be a supplement of human nature. So now, we don’t like women who get angry, yet that wasn’t enough, we narrowed it down to the black woman. So, as a black woman, I am not permitted to show anger even when prompted to so as not to get the title: angry black woman, because I will just be fulfilling the stereotypes. Well, you can go to hell with your stereotypes because I don’t care about them.

To my young black ladies and women, we have all these varieties of emotions for a reason. You can be able to smile when you want to, laugh when necessary, be joyous when it’s time, be angry too when it’s called for. You can’t allow some bunch of nonsense stereotypes define you. You are way more than some stupid stereotypes. Even the bible let’s you know that there is time for everything. So the one moment that you are angry does not define you.


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