Just in my thoughts

             I went to get my blood drawn sometime this week.  I actually hate needles, I really do. So, sitting down there and feeling very apprehensive. The lab technician decided to engage me in a discussion after he noticed my demeanor just to cheer me up or get me to forget about the needles or my imagined pains for needles. I don’t know which one really but I appreciated his efforts. My friend was also there for moral support but she’s in the same condition as I, we both fear needles so she wasn’t really of any help like we planned. One of the questions he asked me was; “if I liked reading?” I didn’t know what to answer. My friend replied him, “yes”. I thought about it, am I really a reader? Or is that how I present myself to be. I know very well that I used to be a reader but I wasn’t sure if I was still one. He went ahead to ask me what I had read last; I replied, “Ecological biology”. It was for class anyways; I’m not sure I would have read it if it wasn’t for class.

            When I left there, I decided to read something. I decided to read a book, anything as long as I’m reading something. It doesn’t matter anymore. I found a book and it was Michelle Obama’s book Becoming (by the way she is one of the women I admire the most). Few pages into the book, it dawned on me that I don’t even have to be a first lady, a lawyer, a vice-president of a hospital or even a mother to understand what she is talking about.

            Apart from the fact that I am my mother’s daughter, a student and Sandra, I probably don’t even know who I am. I don’t even know the definition of life. I once asked what life was on my snap-chat and I got many answers. I am someone that likes to be in control of things happening in my life sometimes and sometimes it seems like I don’t even care about what life is bringing to me. I am not bipolar but I am just still confused about the concept of life. Again, what is this life that we are all struggling for? What makes it so serious? Who are we in this life that we strive for except our titles? I don’t actually know. I never know the answers to my numerous questions. I don’t know if I will continue questioning life and its existence till I find the answers. I took a break from the online world to get my life together and figure it out. I don’t know if it did much for me but it did something for me. I found out that life is too vast for me to figure it out in just a month but it gave me more questions. I am a very curious person but then what does curiosity even do for a person? I have been curious about life for quite a while. I have questioned the cycle of life? I have questioned my role in this life? I have questions about a lot but I don’t always get the answer. Should I keep being curious about all these? It doesn’t matter anyway but one thing I always know is that we are here now so everyone should endeavor to do well in it. Let’s all be good to one another by loving one another and showing kindness. We will all be fine.


  1. Life, in my understanding, is one the few concepts or questions that has no definitive answer because everyone has a different theory or idea to figure out what it truly means. Hell, I fear that we will all go live our lives without ever knowing the true meaning of life, if there is one. When a group of Christians support or sponsoring a church somewhere in Raleigh, Durham, or elsewhere in NC came visiting the campus one day a year or two ago, they sit up a whiteboard outside between buildings A (now C) & B asking the same question you are Sandra, and invited anyone to write down a meaningful, plausible answer to what life is. I actually approached one of the Christian males and talked about the topic. Now, I can't fully remember how far we dove into the topic, but we talked for over an hour and the conversation became more deep & interesting with each passing minute. To me, life isn't simply about existing to find why out we are here. Personally, I believe that life, or our lives as individuals, is finding out who we really are and accepting it without anyone or anything deciding for us. However, despite what evidence or our beliefs might say, I don't fully believe that we are actually in control of our lives to live how we see fit. At least, maybe that I feel after looking back at how I've lived my own life so far. There are many things I'd like to do to live without regrets or while I'm still young, but some factors, most that are out my control, prohibit me from doing so. It could be my family, be money, transportation, education, a job, society's expectations, or even my drive/ambition to pursue what I want for myself. Deep down, I believe that it is your ambition & determination that is the main driving force that allows you to persevere and achieve goals that are/were initially thought untraceable. Perhaps that even goes as far back to your self esteem and mental limits that dictate how far you are willing to go to be successful. Yes, I believe that is the answer for life right there. At least for me.

    1. I like your own definition of life. It offers a new insight to life. A side I have actually thought about but have not paid much attention to realize the meaning. Thank you for this information.


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